Archie's Adventures - My Personal Diary

[Dutch_Diver]

Hi everyone,

My name is "Archie" and I'm the son of Chris(PE, SA). .

This is my personal diary and you are NOT allowed to write in my diary unless you have me in your hands!!!!! Very important rule that, as I want to share with you all my travels without having to read between loads of ! Then when my posts appear.....it will be a surprise as I will be with a new friend!

Friday, July 3rd 2009

This was a very special day for me. I was Born into the world in the sunny views of Port Elizabeth. My first sight was of my DAD (Chris). I think that he loves me very much as he took me for my very first ride on this day. We when to a place called the "Post Office". It was a weird place as there were no cars but lots of blue boxes and a counter.....

The last thing I remember is Dad taking a picture and then it all went dark!

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Thursday, July 9th 2009

This morning I'm woken up with a bump. Not knowing what happened but I'm still in the "Post Office" but this one looks different. It's no longer sunny outside, in fact it's raining and there's no sign of my Dad

Thursday, July 16th 2009

Today I met a new person. He says his name is Dirk. He says that he's going to look after me for a while. His wife is very nice. She makes me a oil bath and I feel better. Dirk explains to me that I have been "travelling" and that the Post Office is a portal machine. When I go there, it becomes dark and then days later I arrive somewhere strange and different. Not sure if I'm used to "travelling" yet.

Friday, July 31st 2009

So tonight whilst I was just settling down for another night, the doorbell rings. There's this strange person at the door saying "Where's Archie....?" I'm a little scared as how does he know my name? Does he know my Dad? Why does he want me?
Uncle Dirk says goodbye and hands me over. It's dark outside and this guy takes me.

Saturday, August 1st 2009

I wake up and there's a little girl whose walking around with me. I ask her name. "Darcie, I'm 8" she replies. "I have somewhere safe to put you as we don't want Jessica to get hold of you. She's my little sister who's 3 and crazy!" I like Darcie. She puts me in a cupboard with LOADS of friends.....she even places me in the right place for my size. It's great in here, there are Buses that know my Dad! They tell me all about him and we have a party into the night. The cupboard has it's own stripper! This is totally amazing and I now know how to party.....!

Sunday, August 2nd 2009

Woke up this morning and my head is killing me. I hear the voice from the person who took me from Dirk. He's saying to 3 girls...."Where's Archie?". Darcie says I put him away from Jessica, he's in the display cabinet. He comes across and says hi. He's Frank. The party all comes back and I remember that the others all talked about him. He's also known as Dutch Diver or for people who can't read.....Dutch Driver. He says, come on Archie, I'm taking you on your first run.

He takes me out of the cupboard and into his garage.......there I see the Giant!!!!! Now I'm really scared....this thing is more than 50 times my size! It's like a brick not sleek like me but strangely I'm attracted! Her name is MO and she tells me how Frank saved her about 2 years ago from a life of crime and punishment. She starts up and off we go. This is a much nicer way of "Travelling"I think to myself as we travel along a coastal road watching for Whales....then I see one! My first whale sighting and it's amazing. Unfortunatelty, I found out that Frank can't multitask as he couldn't take a picture whilst MO was taking him for a ride

We then meet up with loads of others! It's very sunny and I get a polish. They set fire to a pile of wood and then I start to think, these people are a bunch of fire starters, but then Frank explains this is a BBQ or as South African's say a Braai.

Here is Muderick, He wis cool



Now that MO is sleeping again, I ask for a few pictures.


I then meet my big brother I can't believe that last night I'm partying with loads of friend my size with a stripper and now I'm meeting my big brother.



Then we get a picture of the place we took the run too. Darcie couldn't come but Jessica did with her friend Kiara. She's not as bad as Darcie told me. It's beautiful here.....Called "Betty's Bay"


I ask for a picture with MO and Frank jumps in. He can be a bit of an arse! Afterwards he tells me that I'll be going to the portal place again very soon to visit somewhere else. He's explained it all to me now, travelling all over the world to visit people who like ACVW's...(I'm one of them! )


He says he can't tell me where I'm going but he promises I'll have fun and that we will met again!

I like Frank. MO told me on the way home, he's saving a Beetle like me!

[Dutch_Diver]

Oh, now Frank's gone to bed.....I can tell you.....I REALLY like his wife Emma.....she's FIT. I think I'm in love!

[Ron&Gill]

23rd August 2009

Ron&Gill came and collected me from Dutch... went to Hermanus and met Rumours.

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Vader, TonyZ and HR came and there was a lekker party. I learnt that TonyZ, indeed, has no hair, see?...

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and check out how Vader adjusts his gas-mix.

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I'm a little concerned about where I am after the sensible surroundings at Dutch, these folks are a little ...er... different?

[Ron&Gill]

30th August 2009

I'm back in Melkbos...

Bored, bored, bored... All Ron does is work on Gill's bus...

[Ron&Gill]

14th September 2009

Ron's packed and we're off... Apparently we're going to fly Here's me at Cape Town International Departures.

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Got to Johannesburg, but they wouldn't let us off the plane... Another time maybe. Hey these Singapore Airline seatcovers are quite cute. Ron's getting wasted on Tiger Beer. He keeps calling them over for more... beer, that is. After 11 hours, we get to Changi International in Singapore. Ron's in a rush to get a cigarette down him and check in for the next flight, but we managed one photo at the Koi Ponds. It's a stunning airport, I bet it would be really nice if you had time, but no!
Right, we're off to Bali in Indonesia. Ron's got black lines under his eyes. We've arrived at a really nice hotel. Maybe Ron will have time to stay a while. He seems to be in a hurry to get some photos done... I don't think he's on holiday... But here's me on the Kuta Beach just outside Denpasar.

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Ron's gone back to sleep...

[Chris]

OBO Ron&Gill



15 September 2009

Early morning we arrive at the airport on the island of Biak. Here I get my first glimpse of the Pacific Ocean


Almost immediately we head off to Babo. Babo is a disused Japanese airbase from WW2. There was not much time for photo’s because Ron was whisked away on a helicopter straight away, but here you can see the bomb holes from American and Australian air attacks and the old Japanese gun emplacements.


We arrive at the job site, but from here on it gets boring, boring, boring. I just sit around… Ron comes when it’s dark, he leaves when it’s still dark. I have a view of the jungle out there…


1, 2, 3, …zzzzzzzzzz…. 28!

14 October 2009

Ron’s in a frenzy. He’s packing…

Oh, of to Babo again. This time he has more time for pictures, here is the old steam roller the Japanese used to repair the run way after the Americans gave it it’s regular pasting...


... and the fuel injection pump from a Japanese Zero fighter.


We leave Babo on a Beechcraft 1900D for Biak again.

In Biak, we spotted family…


From Biak it’s back to Bali, but day time flying. There’s lots to see, check out this dormant volcano from 35000ft with the lake in the middle. On the other side of the rim, you can see it’s not quite dormant…


Arriving in Bali, hoohaa!

....and Ron’s first beer…

Straight away back on the plane to Changi in Singapore

15 October 2009

There we meet up with Gill, now it’s Ron&Gill again, much better, and off to Bangkok. We grabbed a taxi for Pattaya and checked into the honeymoon suite…

Then I got covered with a towel, how rude…

The next day we we went for scuba lessons and I even had my own diving suit.How cool is that!?

[Chris]

6 January 2010

Ron introduced me to a man named Dan.Dan lives in Hawaii and he promised me that if I'm good and go to bed early,he will show me what a volcano looks like where he comes from.

I couldn't wait.I went to bed early and soon we were off after saying a sad goodbye to Ron.We flew accross a great big ocean and then before we knew it,we were in Hawaii.

Dan made a quick stop at a volcano that is active and showed me a fresh lava formation.



Dan told me that soon I'll be going to America and a place name Omaha where I will meet a friendly man that finds friends like me and sends them all over the world to new families.I heard a rumour that there is a cute topless number that realy wants to meet me.I can't wait.....

[Chris]

.....but before I go,I wanted to spend the day on the beach and look at the waves.




Look at some interesting rocks formed by the volcanoes...



Admire the beautiful scenery...



And while we are there,play a round of golf.




Aaaah,this is the life.From what I heard,it might be a while before I see the sun again and have the oppertunity to have a nice tan,so I'm enjoying every minute of this.

[Watercool]

There I was living the good life in sunny wonderful Hawaii, then I get stuffed in an envelope and off I went. The next person I see is this big ugly guy and he introduces himself as Henry or know on the forum as watercool. I was just glad to get out of that darn envelope, he said I was now in Omaha Nebraska which is in the USofA. I had a little jet lag and he said I need to get some rest, said I can join some of my cousins for a day or two and then he will show me around. Being drag ass tired, I took his offer. I must be dreaming because I heard this heavenly voice calling me, so soft and sweet, sounds like angles are calling me. Well when I opened my eyes I was right, she was breath takingly beautiful, the flowing lines of her hood, the blond soft roof, man she was so pink and HOT, my dipstick got red hot and oil pressure shot up, even dripped a little oil on the spot. I died and gone to the great scrap yard in the heavens

We spended a few days in each others company and that is all I am going to say about that, Henry got a little hot as he could not find us most of the time, and when he did we got the scolding of a life time, something about her being underage, protective seat covers, little bugs, bugamony, etc. Said he is going to tell my dad, Chris. Well it was in the one tailpipe and out the other. That is when he sended her away, darn ass hole, he knows how to spoil the fun. But then he took me outside, man I about froze my valve covers off, there was this white fluffy stuff called snow on the ground. It looks beautiful, but do NOT and I repeat do NOT go into this stuff, it makes your oil go thick, freeze your tires to the ground and ice your windows, on the inside! But it was fun too, Henry took me driving and showed me how to drift endlessly on this slippery stuff, pull donuts and have just fun in general

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This snow is hard work too, Henry had to shovel days on end to keep the driveway clear so we could go places. He showed me a machine called a Bobcat that lazy people use to clear snow, scary but cute little bulldozer. But that is when Henry took a fall and his camera fell into the snow, boy he was pissed, I never heard language like that before. Made my hubcaps shiver with fear, said it destroyed all his pictures. His GF knew to stay out of his way and took off to her mothers for a few days. But she called and said that her car got smashed, but she was ok. I thought he was going to speak that ugly language again but he did not say a word, strange guy??? He had to go get the GF, but he locked me in a dark strong box before he left, said he did not trust me around the cousins etc. Who me, trust worthy as hell, he he he.

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We did do a lot of sight seeing, we visited the local new VW dealer where I met a dist and cousin, stuck up ass hole. Called me a hassbeen, so I dripped some oil on him when Henry took the pic, that will teach him.

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Also saw some nice goodies in the parts department, nice things that would enhance my looks. Met a celebrity called MAX, he does TV work, really down to earth guy.

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Henry then showed me where his GF works, but we could not go in as I have not got the right clearance, my ground clearance is just fine don't know what the hell he is talking about.

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[Watercool]

That's when he took me to a friends workshop, I protested and told him that I swore the girls off and will be a good guy, was afraid he was going remove my BALL bearings. But he showed me all the very very distant cousins, the high and mighty side of the family, they are called Porsche. They are fast, really fast, but also expensive.

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Then in the corner I saw something I really really want, Dad Chris would you get this for me pretty pleaaaaase!!!!

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But it was fun to meet them. But I would not miss them if I never see them again. We had some beer and talked a lot of car talk till late at night, I fell asleep on the way back.

Henry told me that I am going to visit another member soon and I will have to spend some time in a dark box, but this time I am going to have some company for the trip, but he did not want to tell me where I was going. So I will report back once I arrive at my next destination.

[ZeroAxe]

Dear Diary,

Phew..... that's about all I can say about these last couple of weeks being "off the radar" (part of it being my fault )

Where do I start????

After the visit at our American host/friend/buddy Mr. Watercool (dont hold it against him though, he is an Aircooled fan at heart!!!) he put me in a box with some company and shipped me off to the next secret destination. If some of you suffer from sea sickness or get sick because of flying, you havent been throwned in a box and 'man handled' However, through all this man handling, I did manage good conversation with my new friends, and all this shacking etc came to a stop when I heard this funny language from a woman putting me into a post box! Had to stick it out (from what I could calculate) to be about 10am to 5pm when the new host took the box out. How glad was I to hear English again (mixed with that funny language ).

I was shown this picture later of me(us) in the box:



I got the fright of my life when I saw that knife, but he told me he was just playing around. No harm intended, just to get through the tape.

First to come out of the box, was this cool Bug, Bill:





We had some good conversation! Talked about drag strips and the enormous speeds (and brown 'skids' in your boxers when things get a bit 'hairy'). I also noticed that he has got some BLING too, ...... IN GOLD So we got some things in common too. We were comparing rubber.... and SIZE I am glad to say, that mine is bigger than his When is comes to it, and inch bigger is as good as a mile bigger He talked about being some kind of 'limited' model, not like other HotWheels. But what do I know!? I am also new to this collector's game. In the picture above, you have a glimpse of my BLING sticking out there.

Here is another pic of my thing.......... erm, oops I mean BLING:



Watercool put some REALY NICE goodies in this box!!! Check out this cool cap:



My new host(which I couldnt see yet!!) is absolutely chuffed with the hat. He wears it ALL THE TIME But only after he had to fight off his better half for it BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Next up to come out of the box is "Betty":



Betty is a beautiful '57 Chevy flatbed Fire Department truck. Wait, there is more! Check out "Fred". He is a Fire Department Rescue/Assistance(?) Squareback. WOW Both very good company. Both beautifully restored and both on retirement. You can clearly see, when talking to them the first time, that they are a couple made for each other. They argue all the time Well, not all the time, but often On the one hand it is sad that the journey together in the box came to an end... But on the other end.... If I had to hear another "In my younger days" - I would drain my oil, run my engine at full revs and kill myself! She was doing my headlights in!!! But OMG, they were absolutely fantastic adventures/stories. I have way too little miles on the clock to tell such stories, but I hope to "clock over" one day with many life experiences to tell other little Bugs. So far, this adventure/trip that I am on, are stacked up the miles and give me a LOT to talk about!!!

It is a shame that I have to have parted ways with Betty and Fred, but this is what this trip is about, getting to know new people(the good) but also to leave them behind on-route (the bad). Next to come out of the box and flash lights was ME! Yay!!!! Daylight at last, woot!





(Here is another pic of Bill, Fred, Betty and me)

Here is some cool freebies for my new host too:



It was good to finally meet my new host. Not bad, he speaks English and this funny language, but the most factor, was when he talked Afrikaans. I then noticed his south African accent when speaking English(but not such a bad accent like mine ) This dude is not "lekka" in the head I think! To think that he left South Africa (come to think of it , like me ) on an adventure trip to the UK. Then meeting this gorgous chick and moving here.... Now making a life here. What he told me is that Here = France That is what that funny language is about... This 'funny' language sounds so sexy It is the language of Luuuuvvvvveee. Later when I met his other better half spoke to me in this language of luv, I sprang a little oil leak.... Dont laugh, you guys KNOW what I am talking about. Happened to you too in the past

I have to go take an oil leak, and refuel. I will update my diary a little later. Stick around for "Part Deux" ( picked up some local lingo )

[ZeroAxe]

So where have I left off last time...... ? O ja!!!



So I also had the chance to meet the little ones. Jamie (the older one that also only speak Fuhrench) and Lucy. Delightfull little critters, but they drive you nuts!

I barely set feet back on terra firma and refeuled when I heard Zeroaxe and his other half mention something about "road trip".... But I couldn't figure out where to. Was a big secret, but was told that I would enjoy it very much. On the way to "the North" (it is some kind of direction or place refered to when they talk about in-laws!) we went past a little village called after the youngest Cool! I kid you not, check it out....(of course I had to pose!!)



On the way to "the North" I was thinking about all these other Fuhrenchies that I am going to meet. All of them talking in this language that I dont understand.... They are going to do my heads in Might even blow a fuse!? But pleasantly to my surprise they were realy nice people! I have met 'nastier' people back home in SA! I overheard something about passports Belgium and the like, and started to worry if I had my registration papers with me Turned out not to be a problem, as I was hidden away nicely. But no, it was a decoy

My battery ran flat on the way 'there' and dimmed my lights(fell asleep). I was woken-up by seagulls and to this view



OMG, how cool!? First time in my life I saw white cliffs like that. Wow! They are even better in real life. We got back in the car, in the 'belly' of the boat, and waited..... and waited.... and waited...... Oh, btw, did I mention how coo-coo this family is? Zero talks English to his better half(and she to him), French to Jamie(so does Steph, his better half) and both of them mix Fuhrench and English with Lucy!?!? Coo-Coo!!!!! So while waiting I tune my radio to the local station.... All English channels!! Can it be? Back on the road, I see this:



The Toll booth to Dartford Tunnel/Bridge!!!!! and English registration plates all over the place! Cool. I am in Brittain. Yahooo!!! But how weird is it to be in a car with the steering on the 'other side'!? LOL

So yes, there you have it...., on the way to London baby!!! But then he says to me he is going to show me where they lived (and conceived Jamie ). We arrive in ...Bwhahahaha, wait for it....... BARKING. Ja, like a dog..... barking And Barking is in Essex. I felt right at home. Why, because this county is the King of Bling. Other cars with big bling-wheels just like me! And here we made a quick pit-stopat Zero's old house(it is the one that still has the little wall in front of it on the right):



From there we headed north (no, not the same 'north' than earlier!!) to his mate's house.... Now this geezer is one of those 'Saffas'.... Reg van die plaas af. Simple as you get. But a lekka oke! We spent the rest of the afternoon there. all these miles drove my battery flat again so I dimmed my lights again. Tomorrow is going ot be a long day..... I will bring you up to speed later..... All this typing and remembering has tyred me out(hahahaha, tyred.... get it!? Yaaaawwwwnnnnn.... )

[eben]

Hellooo! Anybody there?
I want to tell you about this cool roadtrip I've been on with some new friends I have made.
2 Dudes, a old one and a little one, and a friendly lady.
They took me on a 3,839 km roundtrip of Europe and I saw some pretty amazing things.



They took me though France, Belgium, Germany, Poland, Slovakia.
We spent some time over there with their family and then went back to the UK via Hungary, Slovenia, Austria, Germany, Luxembourg, Belgium and again France.

Have a look at my album below, there are some comments on there and I will be adding some more of my photos a bit later.
Click the icon below in the album to see the comments:


[picasa]http://picasaweb.google.com/data/feed/b ... o&hl=en_GB[/picasa]

The question is: Where do I go next?

[eben]

Full Screen Slideshow

Muffle muffle muffle...hello!!! anyone there?


Oooh... what's this?


Hey dude! Wake up, I want to play.


Are we there yet?


Cars on a train? They call it the Eurotunnel.


50 cents for a pee! At least the toilets clean themselves.


Stop to stretch our doors in Germany.


Yay! Leaving Poland and entering Slovakia


This is like me going to the pub with some friends.


No hanky? Use a bus-ticket.


Slovenia has some awesome sights...


Sleepover in Karlsruhe next to the Siemens Building.


Met my older cousin there too...


If I was a pidgeon...


Family photo.. I'm the one in the middle.


Having a rest at the bust of Jonas Zaborsky and the communist war monument in the background.

[Archie]

It’s been a while since I posted here so it’s hard to know where to start! As you can see, Eben has given me my own username, so I don’t have to steal the logins of my hosts any more!

Anyway, after I left Eben, I was in the dark in my travelling case for weeks. Just as I started to wonder if I’d ever see the light of day again, things started moving once more and next thing I was unpacked and this guy fig introduced himself. Then he introduced me to mrsfig! Well, I was speechless! She is HOT!

And then came the big surprise! fig told me that I’ve become so famous as a result of my travels that they’ve made a replica of me that you can buy in the shops. Wow! How about that!? A replica of me! I must say it felt a bit funny being introduced to myself. The replica is really a good likeness. I feel honoured and flattered to be acknowledged in this way, though it did feel a bit creepy to see something that looked exactly like me but wasn’t me.



fig then told me that the reason I’d been left in the dark so long was because I had been kidnapped and held to ransom by South African Customs. Well, what a cheek! Anyway, fig paid the ransom and freed me, but I missed a big road trip he had planned for me at the end of September. He said the next trip would only happen in December and he was very busy until then and couldn’t spend much time with me. After that he placed me in a display cabinet with lots and lots and lots of other small cars like me, and left me there!

I was a bit put out at first, but the other cars were very friendly and they wanted to know all about me. They all got very excited when I shared some of my travel stories; I don’t think they get out much. Some of those cars were very old, but they looked like new because they’d never done anything with their lives. I think my arrival was the most exciting thing that happened to them in years. They all treated me like a celebrity, which was a bit uncomfortable, but I guess that’s the price of fame!

After a while with all the cars in the glass cabinet I began to think that fig had forgotten about me. It was getting a bit boring, what with having to listen to the same things over and over from all those display cars who had never lived life. I was just starting to think I might have to break out when fig came and collected me and introduced me to The Tortoise, which he called an Autovilla, which looked to me like an ordinary Kombi on which someone had built a house on the back.

fig and mrsfig said it was their first trip in The Tortoise and they seemed quite excited. They could have chosen a better day, because it was pissing down with rain. Who goes camping in the rain? I must say I started to get the impression that fig is not all there. But the deluge didn’t seem to bother fig and mrsfig and we were soon driving through raging torrents in The Tortoise. Soon we arrived at a place where there were seven other Kombis waiting for us. It turned out that they were all members of a group called the Kaapse Kombi Kult and we were all going on a camping trip together. In the rain! It looks like ALL those Kombi people are crazy!



So we drove off in a convoy in the pouring rain as though these guys did this sort of stuff every day. After a while it stopped raining and fig behaved as though he knew that was going to happen all along. Next thing we turned off the tar road onto a muddy track over a mountain. It was muddy and stony but those Kombi guys just acted like this was the kind of road they would rather drive on. Soon we came to a sign warning that the road is dangerous and we proceeded at our own risk. If you ask me, that was the authorities suggesting that we find a better road, but the Kombi Kult Krew didn’t seem to get it. To help them along, several cars and even a 4x4 that were coming the other way all stopped and told us to turn back as the road was impassable. But that just seemed to make the Kombi Konvoy Krew more excited and they all kept on driving. Soon the road wasn’t even a road; the rain had completely washed it away. We passed more cars whose drivers told us to turn back, which just spurred the Kult Krazies on.





I can tell you I got so badly shaken up driving over all those rocks and huge holes in the road that I nearly regurgitated all my oil. The Krazy Kombi Krew just got more and more excited as the trail got worse. Then we came to a bridge that had been half washed away. OK guys, I thought, now maybe you’ll listen to all those sensible people who told you to turn back. But no, the Kombi Krazies just moved the police tape out of the way and drove across the narrowest path between the raging torrent on both sides. Soon after that we came to a river with no bridge, but those Kombi Krazies just drove through it like it was their driveway at home. And then another one!





Finally we arrived at a beautiful campsite in the mountains and it had turned into a sunny day. I was exhausted after all the excitement and slept the rest of the day. Next day the Kombi Kult Krazies sat around and didn’t do much except talking and drinking beer. That gave me time to unfrazzle myself after the previous day’s adventures.




The morning after, the whole Krew got together and started hiking up the mountain. It was very beautiful. Then all of a sudden the whole Krew left the path and started to make their way up a kloof. There was no path, just a river and rocks with high cliffs on both sides. What’s wrong with those guys? Why can’t they just stick to roads and paths?

So we had to hike and swim up the river in the kloof, and even climb the occasional waterfall. I didn’t complain, because the whole Krazy Krew seemed to be having fun, even the women and little kids. I got very wet though.

Finally we climbed up a cliff and out of the kloof. About time, I thought. Next thing, fig had me in his hand and was standing right on the edge of the cliff. I got very nervous. Why was he standing so close to the edge? It really felt like he was going to jump off. With me! Noooo, I don’t want to die! Jump if you must, fig, but please don’t kill me as well!

Before I could scream he had jumped off the cliff! Next thing we were under water. It went all quiet and there were bubbles and funny filtered light. I was just thinking if this is heaven it’s OK, when suddenly we were at the surface, splashing about while everyone laughed and yelled. Now I know fig is not all there!







There were some other people swimming in the kloof and they looked at fig funny, as they should, so he told them that I am a world famous traveller. Next thing one of them said: “Oh, that must be Archie the Travelling Beetle!” What? I had been recognised by a complete stranger, out there in the bush. fig was right, I was becoming famous! After that he introduced me to each of them in turn, and they all took turns to hold me and tell me how pleased they were to meet such a famous traveller. Well, that felt very good, especially after my near death experience jumping off the cliff. I must say I could get used to this fame thing!



Next day everyone went their separate ways and we returned to the figs’ in The Tortoise and fig put me back in the glass box with all his captive cars. They were very excited to hear about my latest adventure. I think they were a bit envious, even though they had passed some unflattering comments about the dings and scratches I’ve picked up in my travels, while most of them were still as shiny as the day they were made. I’d rather be travel worn and have experienced life than be pristine and never have done anything but listen to others’ adventure stories.

Some time later fig took me out and we went to the airport. I thought maybe he was sending me travelling again, but instead he picked up two beautiful young girls. If you think mrsfig is hot you should see these two. My transmission got all tight and I think I leaked a bit of oil. It turned out they were fig’s daughters and we all drove together to a place next to a big river and relaxed for a week. It rained a lot and the river started rising … and rising … and rising. fig said it rose eight metres above its normal level and it was very scary, with all these huge trees and people’s furniture and stuff hurtling down the raging river.

At the end of the week fig woke us all up very early one morning and we all piled into another of his Kombis, called Skilpad, which I’m told means the same as tortoise, except Skilpad isn’t The Tortoise; instead fig called it a Westfalia. Then we hit the road and drove … and drove … and drove … and drove. The sun came up and we drove all day. It got very, very hot and fig just kept driving … and driving … and driving, through the whole day and into the night. At some point Skilpad’s engine started making a strange noise and fig stopped and swore at it for a few minutes, before driving on again with the noise getting louder and louder.

Late in the night fig dropped his daughters off at their home and went to sleep at another house where his sister lives. Next day we drove to the farm of a guy called jolas, who has lots of Kombis like fig, and fig parked Skilpad there and jolas drove fig and I to the airport. Before fig caught his flight back home, he said goodbye to me and gave me to a beautiful woman called Monique, who is apparently taking me skiing in Switzerland with that bald guy Tony who I had met before.

I hope those people aren’t as crazy as fig and that this skiing lark is more relaxing and safer than jumping off cliffs and driving non-roads over mountains and across the country. I’ll let you know how it goes.